Sunday, July 4, 2010

The Roach, The Raccoon, and The Blog Writer

Living out here in the Not-So-Big Woods, I'm used to bees and wasps buzzing around the inside of the windows, and spiders skating in the bathtub. Most of these critters get the upside-down juice-glass & subscription-card routine: scoop them up, and fling them outside.

But not the American cockroaches. These are demon insects, growing to lengths of 1.5 feet inches, and able to scuttle along at 3,000 miles per hour. I don't like them. They're one of the few insects that are immediately squashed when we find them inside. Awesome Husband squishes them with a paper towel; I prefer a fly swat--when I can find one. Right now I'm beating them to a pulp with a half-empty roll of giftwrap.

Last night, I was sitting in the living room. It was very dark outside. Although I could only see a few inches out the windows, I could easily see the Giant Roach crawling on the outside of the glass. It was looking for a way in so it could kill me. I'm sure of it. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a raccoon materialized, smashed the roach against the window, wrenched it off, and ate it. With the monster disposed of, the raccoon rescuer lumbered off. It was like stepping into a Disney cartoon.


  1. Ew! I recently took a group of campers into our little museum in the middle of the night during a night hike, only to discover that at night the building is overrun by cockroaches the size of small dogs. Go raccoon, though!

  2. rebecca, I'm sure your campers were all calm, and interested only in the scientific value of the situation.

  3. When my sister and I went to visit a brother that lives in Hawaii, we saw a 3" variety scuttling all around at night like they owned the beaches. My brother told us not to worry because the rats ate them.

    University of Hawaiʻi at Hilo warns first year student about them at

  4. Sarah, your brother's reassuring comment was...less than reassuring.

  5. Good to know you have the raccoons on your side. We have both raccoons and demon roaches here in NYC. Rats, too, of course. Maybe I can work out an arrangement with the mammals for demon protection.

  6. No roaches here (I hope), but lots of very hungry, (and friendly)- raccoons. They certainly have a highly varied diet. ATB!